Wednesday, December 31, 2008
This is the second car we have purchased as a couple, and it is a good thing we do our research before driving to the dealer, because 100% of the time we buy the first car we see. The Saturn was paid off, and I thought we would go around and compare different manufacturer's station wagons, but we didn't make it past the first one. I thought for sure I would end up with one of those sexy BMW's. (I only say that because I have driven one, and the damn thing nearly drove itself - yes, THAT sexy.) So anyway, I reluctantly agree to go to the Volvo dealership, thinking how bulky, heavy, stereotypically UN-sexy those cars are. Boy was I set straight.
Probably the best car-buying experience - they insisted we bring in the dogs and let them sit on the desks and lick everyone's faces (better than sitting on everyone's faces and licking the desks I suppose), let the kid run around and be baby-sat by everyone not working, and eat from their company party smorgasbord. (Did I ever mention I LOVE oatmeal cookies with butterscotch chips?)
Anyway, I was hoping for a few extras, but we ended up getting the works, on a 2008 model, for over 10K less than a 2009 model. I highly recommend that if you do plan on buying a car, you go in to the dealer at the end of the year, and ask to see their courtesy cars. Our car not only had very low miles but it still had all the factory stickers on it, and was obviously serviced after every single person drove it.
This thing has so many cool features I cannot come close to naming them all, but let me try a few... How about... descent control which allows you to coast down a steep hill with your foot off the break, a rear-view mirror which magically dims in gradations according to how dark or light it is, a kick-ass stereo, telescoping as well as tilting steering wheel, rear fog lights (yes, rear), leather interior with (both) electric seats in the front with three memory settings which include stereo sets as well as seat and mirrors, parking assist with graphics that let you know exactly how close you are to the curb and or front and back cars/objects, key-less entry and start which allows you to unlock the car without taking the key out of your pocket or purse, with a key fob that lets you know if your car is locked from any part of the world, automatic closing rear-hatch, a kick-ass stereo, two inset booster seats to take a friend to the zoo with us, heated seats with three settings, instantaneous gas mileage meter, moon-and-sun roof, headlight cleaners, dual climate control... did I mention a kick-ass stereo?
Bring on the Metallica.
It also has all those features you would assume a Volvo has, making it such a safe family car, but this is not yo' Momma's Volvo.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
This is by far the most un-traditional Christmas yet. Not that I am big on Christmas anyway; it seems the older I get the less enthused I am about the “season.” I do it for the kids, especially the young one. And on top of that, once you start buying someone presents, you are essentially terminally committed to continue the tradition unless something cataclysmic happens to your relationship with them, or you move away and decide to loose their phone number. OK, I will try not to sound too depressed about it; really I am not. This year, however, my oldest has moved out and my husband is gone on a 24-hour watch on Christmas day. I think that I actually welcome these nontraditional circumstances, though, because they have allowed me to find my new favorite Indian restaurant (will write about this later, fo sho), keep the house as if it were a hazardous zone, and eat things you prepare in the microwave. Just me and the little one: her watching the Grinch Who Stole Christmas on the t.v. while I shovel snow off the front steps for the first time in our new house... sort of lovely, in a way. No obligations, just laid back and casually taking the time to wonder at the sky and listen to all the little Bush Tits (yes, that is what they are called according to my Nan) chirp over the new suet cake we left out for them to feast. And now, here I am on my uber-fancy new tiny (pearl-white), 2 lb. 10” laptop and finally getting around to blog something, even if it is graciously about nothing. After all, I am not above reaping the rewards of the “season of the consumer.”
If only I could figure out how to surf and sleep at the same time… oh what a joy that would be.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
I don't know about you, but one of the things that creeps me out about buying furniture (or rugs) is the idea that they are made with all sorts of crap like formaldehyde and other nasty cancer-causing toxins. Not only are organic and other green versions of products becoming more and more readily available, but they are getting more and more hip and cool. Some great examples of these products are from the company Lee Industries.
I have long admired the couches from Lee Industries. However, until now I was not aware that they were a green product. Dig in.
I have long admired the couches from Lee Industries. However, until now I was not aware that they were a green product. Dig in.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Personally, I think these would make a great gift for anyone, but then again, I love birds.
You can find these handmade Shorebird Bird Calls at Uncommon Goods, or this sweet little "starter" Audubon bird call (which I hear really attracts birds!) at REI for only about $5.
Weren't so bad after all. :) I am grateful for growing up knowing how to say Marimekko, and what it stood for.
This Finnish clothing and textile manufacturer has been around for a while, and thanks to their bold graphic designs are still going strong.
Ikea only dreams to create stuff like this. This is the real thing, and they have tons of great bright fabrics and products for all parts of the house, including great bedding and pillow covers.
You are sick. Seriously. Way overpriced, but cool as hell. If I can't afford them, I suppose I feel like sticking them under the noses of others; misery loves company. I know just what Isabel would say if she saw these and was told she couldn't have them: "SHIT!" Seriously though, we do need to clean up that girls language.
I almost forgot... for the richy-riches, you can find them at Rose and Radish.
Yeah, I am doing a lot of products lately. T'is the season, no?
So, why not post something made out of the new hottest thing: felting - ?
These egg cozys and potato planter by Hut Up are pretty darn cool. After all, aren't gifts supposed to be something way overpriced that you would never buy for yourself? Oh, and cool, too. These are pretty darn cool.
Also found at Rose and Radish. The flowerpot is a mere $67. I think I am seeing a trend here. ::ugh::
Cool place mats.
Find them here.
For those of you who don't know me well, I have an unhealthy adoration for squirrels. Not the real ones - those are just rats with fluffy tails. I mean the darling, cute, twee graphic ones that don't eat your birseed or run in front of your car as you are already high on adrenaline late for work.
Placemants with squirrels? I can't resist.
Looking at the Fauna pillows by Salvor, I came across these prints - a new product made by the same company. Now I want my whole house done in Salvor Products. I swear. This sucks. They are just too cool. Can't you picture stark white walls, tons of light, and these fabulous prints? I can.
I probably posted about them before. I am still in love.
As I sit and decorate our new Method Home (we both decided I need to get a job and we will buy one) among other things, I am constantly drawn back to the fauna pillows.
Seriously, I want a clean white (green) home, like a studio, with tons of beautiful art and images tossed around. One can dream; More likely, one can endlessly window shop on the Internet and sit and drool for hours.
I want a hundred of these pillows. If I could do my own silk-screening I would, since these things are not cheap. Just drool-worthy.
They can be found, along with tons of other cool things, at Yoyashop.com.
Thought some of you might like to know about this: StumbleUpon
My husband couldn't believe I hadn't heard of it. Although there is some completely useless stuff there, there is also some fascinating and stunning bits of information and imagery. Check it out. You can just waste hours and hours. All you need to do is click on the button at the upper left of the screen, and click again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again.....
* "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."
* "Imagination is more important than knowledge."
* "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."
* "I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."
* "The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
* "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
* "The only real valuable thing is intuition."
* "A person starts to live when he can live outside himself."
* "I am convinced that He (God) does not play dice."
* "God is subtle but he is not malicious."
* "Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character."
* "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."
* "The eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility."
* "Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing."
* "Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind."
* "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
* "Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
* "Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler."
* "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
* "Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it."
* "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
* "The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education."
* "God does not care about our mathematical difficulties. He integrates empirically."
* "The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking."
* "Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."
* "Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding."
* "The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible."
* "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
* "Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school."
* "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing."
* "Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater."
* "Equations are more important to me, because politics is for the present, but an equation is something for eternity."
* "If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut."
* "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
* "As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."
* "Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."
* "I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
* "In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep."
* "The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead."
* "Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves."
* "Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!"
* "No, this trick won't work...How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?"
* "My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind."
* "Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever."
* "The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of thinking...the solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker."
* "Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence."
* "The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."
* "A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeeded be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death."
* "The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge."
* "Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing. People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion."
* "You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."
* "One had to cram all this stuff into one's mind for the examinations, whether one liked it or not. This coercion had such a deterring effect on me that, after I had passed the final examination, I found the consideration of any scientific problems distasteful to me for an entire year."
* "...one of the strongest motives that lead men to art and science is escape from everyday life with its painful crudity and hopeless dreariness, from the fetters of one's own ever-shifting desires. A finely tempered nature longs to escape from the personal life into the world of objective perception and thought."
* "He who joyfully marches to music rank and file, has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would surely suffice. This disgrace to civilization should be done away with at once. Heroism at command, how violently I hate all this, how despicable and ignoble war is; I would rather be torn to shreds than be a part of so base an action. It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder."
* "A human being is a part of a whole, called by us _universe_, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."
* "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton)
This one wins. And, it gives new meaning to the phrase "out to pasture."
My husband tells me he wants a green funeral. "You mean cremated?"
"No," he says. "That is horrible for the environment. I want a 'real' green funeral."
He proceeds to tell me about this new green trend for funerals, where you are not embalmed, not even put in a box. In fact, apparently, you are put into the ground on government land, which insures that the land remains sacred and untouched.
Actually, I did a little research and found that there are coffin options. (OK, this is getting a little too morbid, even for me.) The prices from a place called Ecopod range from around $100 for a basic cardboard box (probably what I would choose - come on now) to $3,000 plus for a custom-made hand-painted job. These are 100% environmentally friendly.
There is tons of information out there on the Internet, if you dare, but a good place to start is the Green Burial Council or the Centre for Natural Burial. Better to know sooner than later, eh?
Monday, October 20, 2008
Not for the faint of heart. Seriously. Stop reading if you get queasy easily, or dislike medical stuff. 'Cus this is gross.
Some of you know I recently had abdominoplasty. I am not going to call it a "Tummy Tuck." There is nothing cute about it. Nothing. Well, not yet anyway. Not till my belly button heals, at least.
I knew I wanted/needed this for a long-time. Longer than I knew the procedure existed. However, I was always nervous about picking a doctor. I was skeptical when I went on line, and even more when I was so impressed with the first local doctor I found. I liked everything about the site, but most particularly the pictures. I appreciated that the before-and-after pics were disrobed, and the shapes of the "afters" looked natural, and pleasing. So sure, I thought I would go see this Dr. Anous.
To make a long story short, I liked everything about the place, including the people, and the explanation of why the before-and-after models were naked - something Dr. Anous mentioned before I even thought about it. He seemed warm, yet serious and professional. One thing that really stuck with me was a book in the waiting area, which was done by one of his (six) children. It was a darling interview including hand-drawn pictures; a life-story of the Doc. What resonated with me (as corny as it sounded at the time) was how the Doc wanted to be thought of by others. His response was simple: "To be a nice doctor." What a wonderful image to portray to ones children. How lovely, indeed.
So after going to only one other doctor (and getting my excess skin yanked on as if it were dead, being told I wasn't a candidate until I first had liposuction for 7K, lost some weight for 3 months, then I could have it done for another 9K) I thought I would bite the bullet and go for it.
Let me tell you. It is not like a C-section. I have not had a C-section, but I have had two people who have had C-sections and abdominoplasty, and this is what they were told. I mean, this is how they were lied to. First of all, I am guessing when I say that having a C-section is not like having your tits sewn to your knees. Just a guess.
I already have had lower-back problems almost all my life. I found out about 6 years ago that I have a pars-defect in my lower back, which is basically a crack in one of the little "wings" that comes off the vertebrae. For the last 2 or so years I have managed to keep it at bay with yoga. Amazing. No back pain whatsoever. It was the only of a gazillion things I tried that worked. So anyway, I thought tying up all those abs (that turned to jelly once they first found out I was pregnant more than 17 years ago) would really help my back as well. Just a guess. "Tighten the core" they say. CORE?! WHAT core? I have no friggin' CORE. Ugh.
So, what was I saying about "tits sewn to knees?" I knew I was going to be in trouble, but I sort of made light of my previous back pains, telling the doc I surely had it in check. I remember something about letting him know if I needed a "walker" I just give him a call. A walker?! What the hell was I going to need that for? I couldn't get off the fucking bed. For a week.
So here's the gross part... (Really, there is a mission to this madness - stay posted if you will.) You have these tubes, or "drains" that come out of your upper thighs, so that all the fluids and blood clots (and whatever that other gross stringy stuff is) can be properly expressed and not build up as toxins in your body. This even grossed me out so much that I had a hard time looking at my own stuff. This is one redeeming thing about my husband's "husbandry" if you will. He was able to deal with this, because I sure didn't like it. Anyway, the longer you take to heal, the longer these end up staying in. This is the vicious-circle thing. The more active you are, the quicker you heal, but it is SO painful to move around. On top of the normal pain, I have this horrible back-pain - debilitating, really. I get the walker. I am 11 days out and still on the walker, still with the tubes (and bulbs of puss that I have to carry around in my pockets wherever I go), and these normally come out after 4-5 days. The doc called me in anyway since they were so painful and obviously working their way towards infection, since it is basically a raw, deep hole in the leg. My biggest fear (and believe me, I heard horror stories before I even knew how bad the tubes would be) was having those tubes taken out in a long, most-painful-fucking-thing-I-have-ever-endured process. But no. And this is precisely what made me realize how much I liked this doc.
Technique. No bullshit, down-to-business-tried-and-true technique.
I am sitting there in the exam room, waiting, waiting (I was 10 minutes late so understandably had to wait a little longer) and thinking about how the hell he was going to do this. First of all, I thought he would only take out one, since it was barely draining, and incredibly painful. When I say painful, I mean if a feather would touch anywhere on the tube I would basically jump out of my skin. Anyway, Dr. Anous comes in and tells me (in his naturally terse manner) that he will take out both. "Yea!" I say, then quickly try to distract myself as he prepares to do the dead. No time to ask questions, the doc rolls over, tells me to breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out (are you kidding, when is he going to...) ZZZZIP! Whatthefuck. It's out! And that was the bad one. Oh awesome. OK, now to the second one. He rolls to the other side. "Now you are an expert, no?" He says in his warm low voice and very slight Egyptian accent. "Sure" I say. "OK. Good. Breathe in," ZZZZIP!! NO SHIT! You friggin' rock! Well, I didn't say that, but I did sort of sit there with my eyes wide open. "Now, you breathe out, no?"
Plastic surgery is not for everyone. I insist that mine was somewhere between aesthetic and reconstructive. I understand how some people think it isn't necessary. I am mostly-vegan, think green, and abhor what some people do with plastic surgery,. You won't see any people like that in Dr. Anous' books. What you will find, is a record of how this "problem solver" (as he likes to see himself) helps people deal with and fix things that they don't necessarily need to live so troubled with. It is easy enough for one person to say we should all stay "natural" and another thing entirely to live with some physical feature that causes troubled albeit hidden health troubles such as yeast infections in bellybuttons and occasionally zipping sagging skin in a zipper - that shit hurts.
One thing I do know, is that a good doctor is hard to find. Not only did Dr. Anous take me serious, have incredibly friendly and charming assistants (including his lovely wife Candy), but he showed a genuine yet reserved concern. I did have fears going into the surgery. You know, just stuff like, maybe dying under anesthesia. While lying on the surgery table, I realized one of the assistants was rubbing my left arm while the anesthesia doc prepared my injection, only to turn and realize it was the doc himself holding my hand. Now that is good bedside manner. It might not have helped if he was pacing around the surgery table with a scalpel, or even just scrubbing-up with his back towards me, but he actually held my hand and gently rubbed my arm while I completely went under.
I think my only fear that now remains, is that I said something awkward as I went under. "Iz luz yuz Dr. Anuz."
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Men Don't Always Make Good Caregivers After Marriage.
Some don't even make good ones before getting married.
More wise words from a long-time friend. I should have known, though. I really should have. I am at day six post-op and can barely do much more than I could at day one or two, and that is most-likely due to the absence of horse tranquilizers in my system, which I have apparently built up a tolerance to, as well as my existing lower-back defect.
Oh. I am not looking for pity. No sir. I am basically just bored as hell and wanting desperately for something good to be on cable television. I quickly realized that isn't going to happen, and the best thing I have right now is watching Growing Up Polar Bears or gaping at Fox News (has now taken the place of the 700 Club) or watching 82-year old Playboy Tycoon and his three young blond girlfriends celebrate his latest birthday. Nothing.
So, I am lucky my husband actually left me the computer to write nonsense.
However, while I would normally feel like a useless bump on the log, I am actually vacuuming the house. While I lay in bed. Seriously. One of the best inventions in a while - the Rhumba. This cute little "vacuuming robot" (as we call it) is busy trolling around the house picking up all the little dust bunnies and sucking up all the stray little pieces of hardened playdough, while I lay here in bed watching some who-knows-how-the-hell-he-got-money talk about how only the rich people have coffered ceilings, 24 HD TVs, and round glass-and-chrome coffee tables in their "crib."
I want two of these machines. We'll name the next one "Hank."
Monday, October 13, 2008
I suppose it doesn't matter much, but I would sorta hate for someone to judge me by the posts on my blog. But, in the words of the greatn 80s hairband Whitesnake, "Here I go again."
This book came to me with a warning. "Everyone is reading it. I mean all the kids are reading it. You will need to hide it from all your friends and especially colleagues. And by all means, never, never tell them where you got it."
It is indeed like popcorn. You find yourself reading it, flipping the pages, one by one, gradually working through the 560+ pages, the whole while saying "I can't believe I am reading this. I don't care about these people at all. This is so stupid."
Three days kids. It took me all of three days, and I didn't even try to read it fast. I swear it.
Now, you may think, OK, sure. It must be good. After all, they are coming out with a movie that is reportedly to be as big as Harry Potter.
But here is my disclaimer. I would normally never EVER knowingly read a book, watch a movie and most of all EVER get into any serious discussion about vampires. Did I say vampires? OMG. I said vampires. Eeeewwwwweeeeeeeeeee. What's even more embarrassing... teen vampires.
So, you can't believe you are reading the book, but as my friend said, by the time you get to the last three pages, you are going "What?! Where?! How did they?! agh!!!!!" And if it is 5:30 in the morning - no doubt having read the thing all night till then - you are asking yourself if Barnes and Nobles is open all night. Provided they have been able to keep the darn books on the shelves.
I can't wait to see the movie right before Halloweeen.
Did I say that too?
Five years old. It was such a tumultuous start, and Isabel is now almost 5 years old.
It was about two years ago that Isabel first laid eyes on a pony. This was back in San Diego at a "pumpkin patch" where they had hay rides, game, and pony rides. In true Isabel fashion, she knew she wanted to get right on that pony and ride off into the sunset. So, after getting settled back up here in the Northwest, I thought there would be nothing better than to live vicariously through her and rent a pony for her birthday. I am going to have so much fun. No, I mean she is going to have so much fun. I have even purchased a fun 1940s Western pattern for chaps and a vest, which I am going to make out of black and cream felt. I better do what I can while this one still will let me. On a good day I can still dress her up in pigtails or what-have-you sort of twee frill and ribbons. It may take some bribing, but I can still do it.
Provided I can get around a bit (with or without my walker), and with a ton of help from my in-laws, we hope to post tons-of-fun pictures of pinatas, western star candies, pin-the-tail, and darling dollies. Oh, and not to forget, the party will be nothing without a master track done (by Grand Master Mark) with Bob Will and his Texas Playboys, and all that great retro music.
This is one time that silly online acronyms are totally appropriate.
I did it. I can't believe I f*cking did it. I am just coming out of the elephant-tranquilizer fog, and every part of my body hurts. Well, my little toe is in pretty good condition, but could use some Miso soup.
After over 17 years of wanting a tummy tuck I finally got one.
Now, I feel.... not so beautiful. I have affectionately named my new walker (yes, as in a old person's *walker*) the GL6000. (The GL stands for "greased lightening", of course.) However, I cannot say it out loud because it hurts waaaay too much to laugh.
One of the weirdest things, was having to search-down a place that will bill my insurance company for my much-needed walker, and it turned out to be the same place where I got my panty hose for verecose viens.
I am 41 years old for cryin' out loud!!!!!!
Aren't these the types of things you get when you're, what? 80??!!!
And I thought, "sure, plan the kids party for a week after the surgery. I am sure I will be hoppin' around in no time, passing out canapes on a silver tray while swirling through the party crowd of cuties in my new handmade party dress (from a 50's vintage pattern no-doubt) and waving off all the 'My how you look so nice!' comments."
Not so much. I feel rather like... Like a troll. A troll. Oh well, hand me some lipstick.